Wednesday, June 22, 2016


Last summer was supposed to be the greatest summer of my life. I finished my Junior year of high school with a 4.0 GPA and was rewarded by my parents with a brand iPhone as a birthday slash congratulations gift. I was ecstatic!

That weekend, I went to a couple of parties. The kind with alcohol and older kids. Older boys. I got drunk. Really drunk. I passed out. When I woke up the next morning; laying in my own puke; I cried. Then, a few hours later, I cried again when little bits of memories of the night before came back to me.

I got home around 6 in the morning. My father was waiting up for me. My mom was asleep on the couch. When he saw me, his face was a mix of anger and fear. I apologized as much as I could, then went up to the bathroom to clean myself up and cry some more in the shower. I cried, because I knew that I had had sex … and I don’t even know who it was with. Technically, I was raped. I know that now. I don’t remember saying no or stop. I just don’t remember anything.

Later that day, after sleeping half the day, I checked my phone. There were a lot of messages from my best friend. Then I checked my undetectable cell phone spy software and felt the world drop out from under me. Someone, the boy probably, had taken a picture of me naked on the bed I woke up in. I ran into the bathroom and threw up again, only this time there was nothing left.

I instantly deleted the picture and texted my friend back to see if she knew anything. She didn’t. She too had gotten drunk. She told me that she went home that night after I told her I’d be okay. I wasn’t. In fact, as I found out a few months later, I was worse than okay. I was pregnant.

I got my abortion on August 26th , just a week before I started my senior year this year. I’m not happy with any of it. The entire experience has changed me … and not for the better. The first part of this year, I was depressed. Scared to be seen in public. Afraid that someone knew something. Something that I knew and something that I didn’t. My grades suffered. My lacrosse skills suffered too.

Thankfully, my parents … they didn’t hold it over my head. My mom especially. My dad is more quiet now. He watches me differently. I don’t blame him. That’s why I agreed to something that I’m sure I would never have before. I let them put a track cell phone spy app on my iPhone so that they use the top cell phone spy software on me when I’m not around. That makes me sad, but I think I deserve it. I used to be a perfect kid. I still am, but even I just don’t trust myself anymore.

As for today, my grades have gotten better over the last half of the year. My GPA is around a 3.3, which is good, but not what it used to be. I’m still going to graduate at the top of my class, but I no longer feel that … I don’t know … that lightness I used to feel. I hope it will all change. I’m sure it will. But I’ll always worry that someone out there has something to hold over my head. And I’ll always regret what I did last summer.

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